March 31, 2021

Dearly Beloved - Perfecting Your Ceremony


In this episode, co-hosts Kristina, Mike & Sharon talk with wedding officiant Dean Hill about personalizing your ceremony, the right time to book the officiant and when & where to get your marriage license.

Tune in to hear about personalizing your wedding ceremony, when and where to get your marriage license and the right time to book the one who will lead you through your vows and to the I do’s.

Listen in while co-hosts Kristina, Mike & Sharon talk with officiant Dean Hill about planning your wedding ceremony and recommendations to personalize your special occasion.

Dearly Beloved, gather around to hear great tips about collaborating with your partner and your wedding officiant to make your ceremony unique and memorable. 

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL DISCOVER all the ways to customize your wedding ceremony and work in collaboration with your officiant to personalize your special day.

Share your wedding officiant stories with us and tag us on Facebook or Instagram @theringtheblingandallthethings 

While you’re there, make sure you follow us @theringtheblingandallthethings so you can see behind the scenes where me, Mike & Sharon will take you from engagement to your wedding day and beyond with The Ring, The Bling & All The Things 

Transcript

Michael Gaddie  0:00  
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to talk wedding officiant.

Kristina Stubblefield  0:03  
Listen up as we talk with a wedding officiant about personalizing your ceremony, when and where to get your wedding license and the right time to book the one who will lead you through your vows. And to the I do's

Sharon Rumsey  0:18  
Stay tuned as we talk with wedding officiant Dean Hill about planning your ceremony and recommendations to personalize the most special part of your day.

Kristina Stubblefield  0:27  
You got engaged. Congratulations. Happy. Yes, joyful time. Of course. Now what timelines to do lists and checklists. 100% Don't worry, you're in the right place. Welcome to the ring, the bling, and all the things. Hi, I'm Kristina Stubblefield, one of your hosts, along with my two good friends, Michael Gaddie. And Sharon Rumsey. We have over 50 years of wedding industry experience between us. We have seen it, heard it, done it and found a way around it. We are here to get you from down on one knee to down the aisle. Our podcast will cover everything from you saying yes to the I do's and all that happens in between. So buckle up and enjoy the journey. Now let's get started with this episode.

Hey, we want to thank all of our listeners for tuning into the podcast. We really love hearing from you. And we have a listener of the week. Thank you so much Sarah for writing. In this review. She says informative and all the things such a good podcast for those that need tips and tricks, getting ready for the big day. All Thank you so much. We'd love to hear from you as well. You can go to our website, the ring, the bling, and all the things.com. And you can click rate this podcast and write us a glowing five star review. We hope also we'd love to hear your story. Maybe you want to share your engagement story, or where you're at with your wedding planning or already married. share with us how your big day went, just go to our website. And on the right hand side. Click Share with us. There's a microphone and you can record a message to us that we may feature on one of our upcoming episodes. So stay tuned as we dive in to this next episode.

Dean Hill  2:37  
Dearly beloved and honored guests. We are gathered here today.

Kristina Stubblefield  2:41  
Guys, are you as excited about this interview as I am. I'm really excited. We've now we've never had an intro like that. That might take the cake right there.

Dean Hill  2:51  
That'll be 10 bucks.

Kristina Stubblefield  2:53  
Okay, Mike, you want to do this one? Sure. Go for it.

Michael Gaddie  2:57  
I have the honor of introducing Dean Hill. Dean hails a good friend of mine. He also works for me as a delivery guy but he is a an awesome officiant. And Dean, welcome. We're so glad you're here today. Franklin boss.

Dean Hill  3:16  
We're gonna laugh a lot during this.

Kristina Stubblefield  3:18  
Yeah, we always do. Dean, if you've listened to any of our episodes, we tend to think we're quite funny. Would you disagree? No, you're

Dean Hill  3:26  
quite funny. We're just gonna go to another level today.

Sharon Rumsey  3:29  
And both of our listeners think we're really funny to

Kristina Stubblefield  3:34  
them, right. Okay, Dean, take it away. Tell us a little bit about you. Now, we're on a time limit here. So the condensed version of you because you've got a man of many talents.

Dean Hill  3:44  
Okay. Oh, well, I was born. And we probably don't want to go back that far. I've been have basically I've had a microphone in my hand for nearly 40 years. I was a musician, my father's side of the family. And I've played guitar, bass guitar, drums in rock and roll bands for many, many years. At one point in my life, I ran security at local gardens, and one every Tuesday and I would walk the bad guys to the wrestling ring. And one week, the re announcer couldn't be there. And they asked me if I wanted to do it. That was 32 years ago. So I've been in professional wrestling for 32 years. I'll show you a picture of me and the rock before became the rock if you want to see

Kristina Stubblefield  4:24  
that picture. It's legit. You know, that's like my crush. We'll share that on our social.

Dean Hill  4:30  
Okay. I left playing music in 2016. And I had someone say that you need to be in the wedding business. My wife was used to me being gone on Saturday nights. So it worked for her. And so I ended up just I've always been the kind of person when one door shuts another one seems to open for me. And so I have some friends when I said you want to get in the wedding business and they said yeah, yeah, I said, you need to be an officiant as well. So we can offer that welding. And so I became an officiant because the internet said I could. And I had a buddy of mine that Gary fields I said, Gary, would you show me how to be an efficient and he over a cup of coffee said, here's how you do it and said, you know, you need to call a guy named Mike Benson. He works over at Lakeside reflections and he needs somebody to give him a break every once in a while as a DJ and such went over and met mike mike actually do his wedding. So I shadowed him at a at a wedding and kind of videoed all of his little bits. So when I'm being his that must have been a lot of videoing in from a distance, so I get him all in. But

Kristina Stubblefield  5:40  
now that wasn't my God did not say that from when you're listening to this Dean did just clarification

Dean Hill  5:45  
I do that. I'm sorry, buddy. Hey, you're a one to me. So he asked me if I would do his wedding. I said yes. What would you charge me? Are you kidding me? Nothing. This is an opportunity. And so I studied him, and I learned his stuff. And I did his bits at his wedding. And he knew what joke was coming. And he's still laughing. When that happened, I knew Hey, this is where I'm supposed to be. So that's how I got into the wedding business.

Michael Gaddie  6:12  
That's awesome.

Kristina Stubblefield  6:13  
We're gonna get to talk about so many different topics here. But if you're listening to this, you're probably picking up on Dean has a personality like no other. And, you know, when you're going through a stressful wedding, you know, sometimes that's really nice to help take the edge off, to have somebody walk you through it, but not just be so stuffy and so serious.

Michael Gaddie  6:33  
And that's one good thing about Dane, he's gonna make you comfortable. With you know, being deejaying or your officiant or whatever. It's funny because I had a girl in last week that actually won the prize from the lakeside reflections. And she didn't even know Dame worked for me. And Dean was in the other room. And she goes, is that Dean Hill in there? Because she could and you know, she could hear his voice and above that was fun acid. Yeah, you can pick up that voice anywhere.

Kristina Stubblefield  7:00  
And if you're not local to us listening in Louisville, Kentucky, surrounding area, Lakeside reflections is a very unique venue. So that's what we keep referring to as like sad reflections. It's a venue so

Dean Hill  7:12  
so much. You're welcome. One of the things that Mike mentioned earlier, which I think is the most important thing about choosing the people to be involved in your wedding, is whatever you do, do not ever hire somebody, by a text via phone, meet them in person, because you're going to know when the first five minutes, 10 minutes, whether this is the person that's right for me, you had me do the little tag at the very beginning. Whenever I meet with a bride and groom, I have a look at each other. And nine out of 10 times when I say Dearly beloved and honored guests, the bride tears, because it's that that moment that they realize that's how it makes it real actually, that

Michael Gaddie  7:49  
gave me cold chills when he said that. Yeah,

Dean Hill  7:52  
I really did. Do you want to renew your vows sometime? Mike, I'll give you a break on that.

Michael Gaddie  7:56  
I'll talk to Pam about that.

Kristina Stubblefield  7:57  
But you know what, Dean, we're talking about such a serious time, you know, your vows. And you make a very good point about meeting in person. A lot of times almost said girls, but couples these days, they do so much texting and there's nothing wrong with technology, texting and everything. But this is a person that's going to be part of your big day. And Mike, we've said it time and time again, there's no do overs, right? So making sure you click by meeting in person, because whether it's your officiant, your wedding planner, whoever it is, you need to know those people face to face.

Dean Hill  8:35  
I did have one couple back in I want to say may that we're, as all should be concerned about what's going on in the world today. But they were I've had some that I've met in parking lots and we stayed in each other's cars so that we could talk and have some distance. But I don't necessarily zoom. But we would go to Facebook, and do a video with each other on Facebook, so that they can that you got to get with their personality. You got to see how devoted they are how professional but how without dependable they are in the in the wedding business. Like Mike, if you're going to get flowers, you come to somebody who's professional like Mike, if you need somebody that's going to help you coordinate you come to somebody's professional like Sharon, it, what do you do?

Kristina Stubblefield  9:22  
What do I do? question is What don't I do? Oh,

Dean Hill  9:25  
see if you need somebody to do everything else?

Kristina Stubblefield  9:28  
No, actually, we've done some live streaming for weddings. I really enjoy doing that. And that came about because Sharon had a wedding that they needed some kind of solution for. So since I've done that with other events, I thought why not help her out. You know what, what it brought me to though, was really making a difference. And I think once we're through the pandemic, I still see that that's something that stays in play for weddings, because when you have senior grandparents or maybe people that It can't travel because of health reasons or whatever the whatever the reason that could still be part of your day live, it's not something that's necessarily I don't do it on like Facebook or anything. It's privately done. But you can be part of in the moment live right then and there. So you caught me off guard about what I do. That's it. That's the more time at the wedding side. But go ahead,

Dean Hill  10:22  
Dave. I know I knew some of what you did. But I wanted to be able to put me on the spot. This is the neatest thing that I've done. The week. And after they shut down the nation. I had a couple call me and said, We want to get married on this Saturday. It's the first day we met each other. We have to get our children into our insurance stuff. They're getting ready to start school in a year or two, would you marry us. And I said, as long as we follow the rules, I'm happy to you know, distance away, etc, etc. No more than 10 people. We followed the governor's rules in Kentucky. So we follow the governor's rules. We went to their parents subdivision. And I stood on their back porch facing the back of their house. And they had been together for a few years, their best man and their maid of honor was their six year old and their five year old. The two parents were there and her sister was taking the pictures. And we kept our distance and I performed the ceremony for him. And at the end of it I said, you know I present to you for the first time Mr. And Mrs. And all of a sudden I started hearing applause everywhere. And I started looking around. And people had come out in their backyards, from two yards away one yard away over here and over there. And they're all out there applauding and stuff. Some of them were 5060 feet away, watching this wedding. For those people. It was one. That's why her mother shorted cried It was great. That's cool.

Kristina Stubblefield  11:55  
And some of the stuff that you talk about, it's interesting to see, it stinks, what everyone's going through and how it's affecting the engaged couples, what they're planning the wedding professionals, I can go on and on. But the unique stories that you hear coming from this and how people are still making it work, finding a way to make it work, getting creative, or having that excellent wedding planner on your team to pivot the word of 2020, I think was vivid. But it's just really interesting to hear those stories and who would have thought people from yards away in the backyard would have been paying attention to that wedding.

Sharon Rumsey  12:34  
And Dean when I hear Kristina talk about how creative we've had to get and everybody in the wedding industry has gotten very creative over the last year. But as an officiant when a couple comes to you what are some recommendations that you have to help them personalize their ceremony? I have a lot of couples that say you know, we're not super religious, we're not getting married in a church. What are some suggestions you would give those couples that want to make their make their ceremony personal and really bring in, let let their guests get to know them?

Dean Hill  13:06  
I don't know what every officiant does, but I have a feeling that the I would like to think the majority of them have a a standard ceremony. When I sit down with a bride and groom, I'm saying I'll say that, here's what I'm going to talk about. And there are certain parts of this that you're going to be able to tweak to make it exactly the way you want it. I explained to them that the first four pages are about love and how thrilled you are that everyone is here to be with you. And ended with a nice quote. And then we go into your declaration of intent, which is basically a generic form of your vows. richer and poorer sickness and health. And I'll always tell them, and you'll know when I'm ready for you to respond, because I'll say if So say I do. And then but next thing is, are you wanting to write your own vows? And no, we don't we'll just do yours or Yes, we are going to write our own vows. So I'll make a note of that. And I always say I always tell the brides to make sure you go first. But why? Because if he knocks us out of the park, you're going to be crying ugly and not to do your thing. So then we talk about the rings. I do three things that not all efficients do. I'm going to tell you one of them later on because I want all the efficients to start doing this. A lot of them may. But then we go into the rings whether or not you want the ring blessing to be done bustled or the giving. No we did. Well, we want it a little bit of religious religion for grandmas and grandpas, but we don't want to make it super religious.

Sharon Rumsey  14:36  
Some couples, they do want some religious things.

Dean Hill  14:38  
They just don't want a church ceremony, right? Then we go through the words that they're going to say that they're going to have to repeat. I give you this ring with this pledge type of thing. And we get the rings on them. And a couple of little things I do are during that secret, you can't know it. And then we go into are you going to do what I call a ceremony within a ceremony. Are you going to A sand ceremony or a unity candle or unity cross, there are certain things I'll tell them about that regards to music. If you're going to do a unity candle, I suggest you don't do music, because you're going to be done with lighting that candle and 30 seconds. The songs first verse may not even be starting yet, you're going to sit there for two minutes and listen to it. Or if you do want music for it, say, DJ, we would like this played during the Unity candle, but started at 150 to cut it out that way they can achieve that. And then I would say, at this point, there's a room for a, perhaps a more religious prayer, a more of a blessing. Or would you like to have your aunt Dorothy stand up and read a passage from a poem or a song or anything or absolutely nothing at all. And then we go into, and here's how I would finish it. May all that is love always be in you may all the cheese is in you always be loved. I'm taking it out of context here. But that's the concept, I ended with a very nice little quote. And I'll tell you this, when a dream you dream alone, is just a dream. But A Dream you dream together is reality. Mike, sharing, your reality starts right now. So By the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, it shouldn't be husband and wife. And now here's the one of the things that I do. And this isn't anything I invented. It's something that a photographer asked me if I would do it. I thought, brilliant. As soon as they're getting ready, you may kiss your bride. And excuse me, unless I'm trapped in there. I step out on one side. That way, they have a very nice picture of their first gal say, son, don't give her a peck. Do you have one shot for your photographer to get a picture of this? Put one on her for lack of a better way to put it? And if that way, if I can get out of the way? They're not? I'm not standing behind them and their picture going?

Michael Gaddie  16:59  
Well, let me ask you, Dean, I mean, what you just went through with us? I mean, that's a lot of detail. So how often? or How many times do you meet with a couple before the actual day?

Kristina Stubblefield  17:10  
And can I plug something in here? Really what you're talking about? Is the actual script. Yes. The the script that the officiant uses, because he just went through a lot of detail he did. And I mean, that's so for people that might look it up on Pinterest or social media, what Dean's are really digging into is that script.

Dean Hill  17:28  
Go ahead do exactly. And there are basics, there are some people that will actually write anything that you want. I had one bride say, here's our ceremony. What I've had a couple students here is exactly what we want said word for word. So I had to rewrite every bit of it. So I could have it in my book, I put it in solid in my book. And I did exactly what they wanted every word for word.

Michael Gaddie  17:55  
So again, how do you meet with them a few times? Or is it just one time and it's done? And then everything else is emailed? Or? I just feel like that if I hired you, with everything that you just told us? That's three or four meetings for me. But

Kristina Stubblefield  18:11  
it might not be for you. It's not more I'm assuming Dean probably gives them maybe some homework, Dean or is it all talked about during that one meeting?

Dean Hill  18:21  
I can do that entire meeting in 28 minutes.

Kristina Stubblefield  18:24  
Not 30. He said 28.

Dean Hill  18:27  
Basically, we we go to a nowadays you have to go to a restaurant if you want to get in and I have to buy appetizers to make the waiter happy. But I would used to go into a Starbucks or go into McDonald's where you could sit someplace and go through the entire ceremony with them. You're painting

Kristina Stubblefield  18:46  
it together. Yeah. together. And you know, I

Dean Hill  18:49  
have a little I have a notepad that I use. And I say do you like the order of the events? Well, I would like to do this before that make that note. And so I would put the entire thing together and nine out of 10 times 9.9 out of 10 times when we're done talking, whether it's just being their efficient or being their DJ and their MC. They know everything they need to know and they are thrilled.

Kristina Stubblefield  19:12  
Well, one thing I want to go back to though, is when you're talking about meeting with them to be their officiant, I'm assuming that they may need to go home and do some homework regarding their vows. Not necessarily in that initial meeting, do they have to come to you or someone else fully prepared? Because they may have not have been through this before? Right? I'm assuming that's something they can work on after the meeting. That's

Dean Hill  19:34  
a very good question. A very good point. As I tell them, I said, well, would you are you thinking about doing your vows? Well, gosh, we're not really sure. Well, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna put a question mark in that spot. And you'll go home and you can actually, you can tell me at the last second, if you want to come up to the altar and say, Dean, we've decided not to do the vows. We're out. Yeah, right then and there. We just cut it or Dean. Can we put vows in I know, we're getting ready to walk to the altar. Yeah, no problem.

Michael Gaddie  20:02  
You know, when when I got married Pam and I got married 30 years ago in March, and

Kristina Stubblefield  20:07  
I have told you before to stop dating at your age in yourself,

Michael Gaddie  20:10  
well, it is what it is he

Sharon Rumsey  20:11  
is okay.

Michael Gaddie  20:12  
But, you know, we thought about writing our own vows. We didn't do that. We repeated what the minister said. And I was so emotional. I couldn't even repeat what he was saying. I mean, no way. Could I even think about writing something and reading that. I mean, I know a lot of people do nowadays, but there was no way in hell that I could do that.

Dean Hill  20:35  
That's reasonably still the bride to go first. Because if he nails it, I did have one couple. This guy had almost my personality. He said, I want you to know, sweetheart, that I'm always going to be that spontaneous guy that you first fell in love with Johnny, the golden Mike had the best band pulled out a microphone and handed it to him. One of these guys had a little routine put together on his phone, he plays it. And it's the first like 45 seconds of the songs. And he starts singing songs to her. Oh, oh nine. Know what we eat is

Kristina Stubblefield  21:15  
I think we need to take a minute to really pause with the tip that Dean gave. And it's maybe one of the best tips that I've heard. And I've heard a lot of them making sure the bride goes first. Because you're so in that moment, with that emotion, even if the guy doesn't, or the fiance doesn't blow it out of the park or out of the water. Still, you've got to follow that wording and you're trying not to let your makeup run. You're so emotional. No,

Sharon Rumsey  21:46  
I agree with that. And, and Dean's point is well taken. But I'm telling you, when it comes to ceremony, like Mike just said, my guys, my experience has been the guys lose it more than the girls. I have kind of a thing I do at my weddings where I always have my groom come out with the officiant first. Because if you take even the most macho football player type guy, and he sees his mom come down the aisle, his grandma come down the aisle. By the time you get to that bride, you have mush. And I love those pictures. I want mush. So I think I want a mush picture for my brain. And that's one of my absolute favorite things to do is to get that dream out there where he sees everybody come down the aisle and

Dean Hill  22:38  
he's having all the feels good. You also get that moment where if he starts crying at the altar, when he sees her for the first time. I had a dad come up to me later in the evening and said, I've always wondered whether or not he really truly loved her and the bottom of his heart when I saw him start to cry. I knew he did. And I felt better about giving my daughter's hand to her. Yeah, amazing.

Kristina Stubblefield  23:04  
I will tell you what, we've had enough episodes about Kryon.

Sharon Rumsey  23:08  
I mean, okay, well, let's do okay, word of the year, let's pivot are we gonna pivot another thing as a wedding planner that I struggle with is sometimes especially my groom and groomsmen. They party a little bit before the ceremony. And I this did not happen to me personally, but I'm in a wedding planner group on Facebook. And one of those wedding planners had a priest. Everyone seated there ready to get married music's playing, and he canceled the ceremony, because the groom was intoxicated. So I always tell my couples, you know, I don't care what you do after at the reception, but do not come to me intoxicated for ceremony. Have you ever had anything like that happen?

Dean Hill  23:53  
Here's my intoxication story.

Sharon Rumsey  23:56  
Everybody has

Dean Hill  23:57  
what but it's nice.

Kristina Stubblefield  23:59  
But before you get started, you do agree with what Sharon saying, right? They shouldn't come intoxicated. Oh, yes. I

Dean Hill  24:04  
totally agree with that.

Sharon Rumsey  24:06  
They want to know that they know what they're doing.

Dean Hill  24:08  
At the same time, I don't know if I would be the one to say, cancel your ceremony. I'm going to help you get through it. And this is kind of goes into this. I had a couple that wanted to do to tie the fisherman's knot. And there are certain verbiage that goes through it. And they said, Are you ready to go and said, Yeah, we're ready to go. Okay, so we get up there to the altar. And ladies and gentlemen, they decided to tie the fisherman's knot in the white rope represents this and I started going through the verbiage. But I noticed that he was having trouble remembering how to do it. So I started slowing the verbiage down to help him and her because she's going Oh, honey, it's like this. You know, it's like this. Well, at the at the rehearsal. His grandmother came up to me and said, I thought you were having a stroke. What? I thought you were having a stroke. But they told me what happened. Thank you so much. For saving that moment, because I've started talking slower to help them, right. They practiced it from us. They just never practiced it after he did five shots of jack daniels 100%.

Sharon Rumsey  25:08  
I've had that happen with the Celtic tying of the hands. They, they practice it and they have it and then they get up there. And even if they're not drinking, they're nervous and they they cannot get it down. So you always

Michael Gaddie  25:20  
want to make sure your officiant knows. So Dane, I know a lot of officiants that I've even had brides asked me about asking like, Okay, do you know, officiant Okay, so I give them names. And they go, the first thing they asked me is, and I know this is gonna be strange, but the first thing they asked me is, how do they dress? Do I need to be concerned about how they dress?

Dean Hill  25:43  
That's part of our conversation. At the end of our conversation, I'll say, here's the last thing you get to pick. How do you want me dressed, I have three options for you. I have a light gray suit, I have a black suit, or I have a full length black robe, like your priests would wear. Nine out of 10 times they want a suit as opposed to the robe. And they always want you to not match them. So if they're coming out in blue, they'll probably have me in the gray. If they're coming out in gray, they'll help me in the black. So that it's obvious that I'm not part of the bridal party.

Michael Gaddie  26:21  
That's awesome that you have you give them that choice. I think it's I didn't know your wardrobe? To be honest with you. I didn't know you did that. I know Gary fields does all the time. So um, yeah, I

Dean Hill  26:32  
think you I think you're part of tweaking their wedding to be exactly what they want. And this is the I always tell them whenever I meet them for the first time, I'll say, as far as the I'm talking to you to as a wedding couple right now. And I would say, nine out of 10 men have been thinking about the wedding. Since the moment they decided to ask this beautiful woman to marry them. Nine out of 10 women had been thinking about their wedding since they were five years old. 100. So please understand that as far as I'm concerned, this is both of your weddings. Can I take a piece of paper and I hold it up in front of his face? And I say but I'm going to do anything you want. Right to the bride. So it's a matter of making sure they get what they want.

Kristina Stubblefield  27:14  
And Sharon always has a saying about what what matters.

Sharon Rumsey  27:16  
Only vote that counts is the one wearing the white dress. So every wedding day, yeah, write that down. Yeah, one of the tips that I give my people to and I think Dean would probably agree if they do write their own vows. I always want to make sure that they email me a copy of that each each member of the couple emails me a copy of their vows so that I have them then I will also print off a copy for the officiant because I when I first started had a wedding where the couple was at front and the groom forgot his he forgot his vows. And he's up there and he's like, I don't have it. I don't remember. So I always want that officiant to have where he can just go Here you go, buddy and save the day.

Michael Gaddie  28:01  
That's on our time. Yeah,

Sharon Rumsey  28:03  
it is it is on my timeline. Another

Kristina Stubblefield  28:04  
thing to do, I'm assuming you just talked about, you know, making it be their day, you know, and how they envision it. I'm sure you've had some people that have more funny type ceremonies or wording versus the, I guess we'd say the word traditional. We always seem to say that. But where they want it more lighthearted or fun or even funny.

Dean Hill  28:29  
Yes, most of the time. As far as the funny part goes, I I've had a couple of brides that will say, I'm going to be sweating bullets up. They're nervous. By that's what I mean. I'm nervous. I'm just going to be can you Is there anything that you can do? That will relax the moment for me. And so I will say I would like for you. JOHN Dorothy, to put your hand out in front of you, with your palm up. And then Johnny, I want you to put your hand on top of hers. Now at this moment, you're both capturing the the love between you, you're holding it in the palms of your hands, you may be actually able to feel to get warmer. And I know that both of you are going to be remember this for the rest of your life. But Johnny, I want you to know from right now from one married man to another. That's the last time you'll ever have the upper hand.

Sharon Rumsey  29:25  
That's my husband's favorite DJ drove he does that after the first dance.

Kristina Stubblefield  29:29  
Yeah, and that's I think, I think that's what I meant. Not necessarily funny, but something light hearted to You're so nervous. You've got so much going through your mind and try not to fall when you're walking down. whatever type of aisle church, not church, it doesn't matter. You know, to really bring it back in to where you can enjoy and remember that moment because a lot of times I hear people say I don't even know if I remember some of the words or all of that moment, I remember walking down the aisle. And then I remember it being over, I always really encourage my girls, you know, you have that moment right before the bride walks. And it's my favorite moment of wedding day as a planner, because I've worked with this, this bride, usually a year, year and a half. And then we have that moment where it's just she and I right before she walks. And it's my favorite, favorite part. But I always say, you know, I'm

Sharon Rumsey  30:26  
going to flip your dress, but then I want you just to pause. And I want you to look out over this room, because when else in your life, are you going to look out over a roomful of people that love and support you, they're there to celebrate your love. And I just don't want them to rush, they get so nervous, and they're just like, I'm ready to go like, let's

Dean Hill  30:45  
go. So I always really want them just to take that pause and take it in because the day is going to fly. So that's usually the last thing I say in there. That's usually the last thing I say to them before they walk is just to, they're not going to start without you. So just pause and take it all in my version of that is once they get father who brings us one would be married to this man. I do. And our her mother and I. So you may give her a kiss, you may shake his hands when the father said no returns. And then I said, Look at her dress, as he walks away so that he doesn't step on her dress. And he goes and sits down, I put the two of them together. And I stand there for a second. And I don't say anything, make a beat. And I say yes, I could have already started. But I'm giving them a moment for this to sink in. That's awesome. And then Dearly beloved and honored guests.

Michael Gaddie  31:36  
So when it comes to couples to even start thinking about an officiant, how far in advance, should we should I start thinking about I gotta get a hold of Dean and help him line this out for me, for us a lot of your

Dean Hill  31:52  
the top 10 officiants that I know many of them are, are booked at least eight to nine months ahead of time. If you have somebody that you really want no matter what. And if you're if you're one of these ladies, it comes with your book, because you've already planned the entire thing, which is great.

Kristina Stubblefield  32:14  
That's not a wedding book. Now listen, that is a wedding binder. Don't even get Sharon started on that. Our Bible wedding

Sharon Rumsey  32:21  
Bible. Okay, there

Dean Hill  32:22  
you go. But yeah, and I'll have three or four of the 10 will will come in with those others are just, they have a million questions. And by the time that we're done talking, just as they would be with you, you've answered all their questions. But we talked about nine months, sometimes even a year ahead of time if there's somebody in particular that you want. But I've also had people that have because they're not organized like that, that a month out. And they'll go on to a little Facebook page and they'll say is there an officiant out there, right. And at that point, it's, you may be lucky to get someone that really knows what they're doing. But you also may end up getting your uncle Billy Bob, that's gonna have to go on the internet to do it for you. We're really talking about that Facebook, I

Michael Gaddie  33:09  
mean, I see on there a lot where they'll come up and say, is there an officiant available for Friday or tomorrow? Oh, Lord. I mean, you're you're seeing more and more that just these pop up weddings? And I think if, you know, they reached out to you and you are available, I'm sure you would do it. But I mean, are you seeing that much?

Dean Hill  33:30  
A solid a lot more before the senior team came in? Because they were just wanting to, you know, the people that are not organized, not the binder girls. I had one that called me the day before. I was supposed to do two other weddings. And they said, Can you do our wedding? I said, Well, I've got one at four o'clock and I got one at seven o'clock at Lakeside. Well, what time would we need? Well, I'd have to have enough time to drive here. So I went drove to Palmyra in is in May of 2018. I drove to Palmyra, Indiana and married a couple at one o'clock on their family's farm. Then I drove to Tom Sawyer Park and murdered in front of an Apache teepee at four o'clock, and then drove to Lakeside reflections and married a couple and DJ their wedding until midnight. Dang,

Sharon Rumsey  34:17  
that's a day that is a day to make

Kristina Stubblefield  34:19  
it happen.

Michael Gaddie  34:20  
I've got another question. So when it comes to the wedding, oh, the licensed Marriage License. Do you help the couples with that? Or is that something you don't get involved with? I mean, I know Sharon. If somebody called her and said, Hey, what do I need to do? I wouldn't right now I would not even know where to begin to even do

Dean Hill  34:39  
that. The easiest thing that I tell them is that you should go on a day that both of you are off. I believe in both states you have to take your IDs on no you have to take your IDs, but make a day out of it. Go out and get your marriage license a couple of weeks before and have a nice meal out of it. Make a date out of it. And if you're in Indiana, you'll go to the whether you're in Kentucky or Indiana, you have to be, you have to get the license in the county of the state that you're getting married in.

Sharon Rumsey  35:13  
I use aisle planner. It's a wedding planning software. And there's a Notes section where I can just put information. And I have the information for both states that I work in Indiana and Kentucky in there. Because it is something that really confuses people in Indiana rules are different than Kentucky rules as far as what county you're getting married in. And people don't realize it has to be within 30 days. So you really just want to go to the website of the county clerk at whatever county you're getting married in and make sure that you read up and you know, the rules for the particular county that you're choosing to get married in. And that is for no matter what state you're in. Any place to go is the county clerk's website or call them

Michael Gaddie  35:54  
and you can't do it within 30 you have to do within 30 days. 30 days

Kristina Stubblefield  35:58  
now. Is that in every state, Sharon or do in Indiana and Kentucky? Okay, so we don't

Sharon Rumsey  36:03  
know about every state. Right, right.

Michael Gaddie  36:05  
That's very interesting. I

Kristina Stubblefield  36:06  
had no clue. Yeah. Well, and when we talk about pivoting, you know, where we're at is right on the border of Indiana and Kentucky. And you have people that are moving for their reception, their ceremony from one state to another, like what the motion is all the time here lately? Well, because of the restrictions and things like that. So make sure you've got the correct license for the era, you're getting married,

Dean Hill  36:31  
Indiana washu Well, I

Kristina Stubblefield  36:36  
think this has been great. I mean, there's been a lot of information. There's a lot more to it than just somebody standing up there and reading off of a script when it comes to officiating

Sharon Rumsey  36:46  
just to share a little story. I have so many couples now like Dean said, you know, they're gonna uncle Bobby's gonna go on the internet and get ordained or their, their high school. You know, buddy's gonna get ordained and marry him. And that's great. And it makes it personal. But I've I have literally had people do that. And then I go to rehearsal and that that officiant, you know, that got ordained last week. looks at me, they have no idea. I have to tell them ask every wonder stand for the bride. You know, just basic things. So just be careful doing that is my is my word of advice. Because if you get someone who has never married anybody before, I mean, I've literally sat down the night before a wedding and realized I have to write a whole script because this person has no idea.

Dean Hill  37:35  
Here's the one I had, I had a bride call me one Saturday morning, and said, Are you are you doing wedding today? I said, Yes. I'm doing one at six o'clock tonight. Are you busy at two o'clock? And this was like, noon or one outside? Can you get here? How quick can you get here? I said, Sharon Shay, put on some clothes. I'll be there and in an hour. Okay. Thank you so much. They had one of his best friends decided that he was going to do the wedding. So he went online, he got ordained. And they did the rehearsal. He thought he was ready. But he got a little nervous the next morning. So he decided to sit in his car and smoke one. Yep. And I don't mean a marble. And so he was so blasted. He was just giggling and laughing. And his dad got mad that he would do that. So I said, Well, what are we going to do? So let here let's close we had talked before, but they decided they wanted to have somebody that meant something to them, which is always better, you can get an officiant. But if you can have your, or your grandpa do it, it just makes us make sure

Sharon Rumsey  38:39  
they know what

Dean Hill  38:40  
they're doing. Make sure they know what they're doing and make sure they don't smoke a fatty and the

Kristina Stubblefield  38:45  
and the thing about it too is making it personal is one thing. But you're also taking that person out of being able to be part of that ceremony. So if they want to do it, it's one thing but if they want to be there to witness your day and not be an officiant, that that should be okay to you, or they can ensure and you've mentioned that before is, you know, you're so focused, especially if you don't have a planner, you know, who's helping you take care of making sure you're from place to place where when someone goes to exchange their vows make sure that that person really wants to be the one doing it, or do they want to be the one in the audience, you know, to witness it?

Sharon Rumsey  39:25  
Do they want to be a guest.

Michael Gaddie  39:27  
And that's going back to hiring a professional to do the job,

Dean Hill  39:30  
so you don't have to worry about it. And to touch base on one of the things that you said. We were at Lakeside, I was going to be there, DJ MC. And we also helped coordinate which is what your DJs and your emcee should be doing. But they had a friend come in and said, I'm going to do this. And we're at the rehearsal, and he says, What do I do? Where do I go to get this? And I said, here, here's my book. I gave him my book and he read my ceremony

Sharon Rumsey  39:57  
because at the end of the day, everybody's team bride Yeah,

Dean Hill  40:00  
you could just see the stress come off again. Oh, barely, not again. He's from the country.

Sharon Rumsey  40:10  
I can tell instantly when I have an officiant up there who's never done it before. But that that one particular story I shared, you know, the bridesmaids walked in the room was up front, the officiants at front and the song changed. We're at rehearsal, and the song changed. And, you know, she's, she's looking at me, and I'm looking at her, and I'm looking at him, and he's looking at me, and I'm like, and he went, he waved at me. And I'm like, No, dude, please stand for the bride.

Dean Hill  40:38  
Have you? Have you had this? They say, All rise for the bride. And then they start talking. And like three minutes later, you're going, let him sit down. Because he will say You may be seated. So I literally

Sharon Rumsey  40:51  
went home that night, and I wrote her whole ceremony because he I realized he had no idea.

Dean Hill  40:56  
deer in headlights.

Kristina Stubblefield  40:56  
Yeah. Team bride. Right, team bride do what you need to do to make it happen. Well, I think this is really been informative. And I think it shed light on some things that people might not think about. We can't give all the answers because it's different depending on where you're listening from. But hopefully this will help highlight some things that you might need to do a little research on

Sharon Rumsey  41:20  
your officiant, if that's a major choice. Well, I'll

Kristina Stubblefield  41:22  
tell you what, Dean, thank you so much for coming in and sharing this with us. Anybody else?

Michael Gaddie  41:26  
Have any? Thank you.

Sharon Rumsey  41:28  
Thank you. I

Michael Gaddie  41:29  
even learned something. Thanks for coming in on your day off from noise floor.

Dean Hill  41:32  
Do this with us. And I think this is probably a good time for me to be talking to you about getting a raise.

Michael Gaddie  41:39  
We'll talk about that, buddy. Hey, you said you'd work for free that would you? Would you when you came to me? No.

Dean Hill  41:43  
I said I would come and do this for free.

Kristina Stubblefield  41:47  
and clear. Oh,

Dean Hill  41:48  
yeah, I was at the point in my life where I needed something to do. And Mike gave me something to do. Dan,

Michael Gaddie  41:52  
thank you so much.

Kristina Stubblefield  41:53  
We appreciate everyone listening and tuning in. You can catch a video of this on our YouTube. And make sure to follow us on social media. And if you want to share us your stories if you're already married about your officiant. Or if you're planning your wedding, and you want to share us some information about your planning, make sure to go to our website, Mike, do you know that website address? No, the ring

Sharon Rumsey  42:19  
and all things.com.

Kristina Stubblefield  42:21  
And you can click the little microphone button and you can record a voice message to us that we may use on one of our upcoming

Dean Hill  42:28  
episodes. So you got to change that a little bit for the 21 year olds. It's the RBT the ring the blade.

Kristina Stubblefield  42:36  
Thank you very much, Dean. All right, everybody. Until next time, see ya.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the ring, doubling and all the things. If you like what you heard, make sure to hit the subscribe button to get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, the ring, the bling and all the things.com for past episodes, and make sure to connect with us on social media. If you would like to help us get the word out about this podcast. Make sure to share with your family, your friends and anyone you know in the wedding business.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Dean Hill

Officiant

Dean Hill is a man of many talents. His background ranges from retired police officer and lifelong musician to Ring Master at The Louisville Gardens for professional wrestling matches. He's had a microphone in his hands for nearly 40 years. After the pro-wrestling days ended for Dean, he kept finding himself gravitating towards the wedding business. He now serves as a wedding officiant, master of ceremonies and a DJ.